Then Who Was Monkey?/Transcript
DISCLAIMER VEGETA: This is a parody! Official release! Support Akira Toriyama! (cut to a Saiyan space pod crashing down on Earth, with Raditz landing in front of the crater) FARMER WITH SHOTGUN: You're an alien! RADITZ: I'm an alien. PICCOLO: Am I an alien? RADITZ: Probably. Where's my brother? PICCOLO: I dunno. RADITZ: Then you're useless to me! (flies off) OPENING SEQUENCE GOKU: Dragon Soul! (cut to Goku and Gohan at Kame House) GOKU: I have a kid. GOHAN: I'm socially awkward. KRILLIN: He's adorable. (gets blasted through a wall by Raditz. The Krillin Owned Count rapidly rises before exploding.) RADITZ: I'm here for my brother. GOKU: Am I your brother? RADITZ: Yes. (shows everyone's shocked faces along with a picture of M. Night Shyamalan) RADITZ: (is seen holding Gohan) I'm taking your son. GOKU: No, you're not! (gets kneed in the stomach by Raditz, who then flies off) Ahhh! He took my son! PICCOLO: I'm here to help you. GOKU: Aren't we enemies? PICCOLO: Nobody watched DragonBall. Let's go! (he and Goku fly off) GOKU: Are you a Yoshi? PICCOLO: Hells yeah! (cut to Goku and Piccolo about to face off against Raditz) GOKU: Give me back my son. (Raditz unzips his fly) Gross. PHIL SEBBEN: Ha-ha! (Raditz beats up Goku and Piccolo and then gets headbutted by Gohan and put in Full Nelson by Goku) GOKU: Piccolo, get him! PICCOLO: Makansapalapaka! (hits Goku and Raditz with the Special Beam Cannon) VIDEO GAME ANNOUNCER: Double kill! (Goku and Raditz fall to the ground) GOKU: And now I am the dead. Bleh. (dies) KRILLIN: Oh, no, Goku's dead! VEGETA: (speaking through Raditz's scouter) Hey Nappa, let's go to Earth. NAPPA: (speaking through Raditz's scouter) Ballin'. KRILLIN: Oh, no, more Saiyans! PICCOLO: I'm taking Gohan. (takes Gohan and flies away) (cut to Mr. Popo on Kami's Lookout along with Krillin, Yamcha, Tien holding Chiaotzu, and Yajirobe) MR. POPO: Hi, maggots. I'm training you. I'm terrifying and a potential rapist. But I'll never say it flat-out. (short pause) BAH! KRILLIN: Ahhhh! (cut to Piccolo training Gohan) PICCOLO: Dodge! (kicks Gohan) GOHAN: Ahhh! (cut to King Kai's planet) BOJACK: (from inside the planet) Yarr! GOKU: Who are you? KING KAI: I'm King Kai you now know the Kaio-Ken and the Spirit Bomb. F**k off. Shut up, Bojack. (cut to Piccolo and Gohan on Earth) PICCOLO: Twelve months have passed, let's go fight Saiyans. KRILLIN: Oh, God, it's the Saiyans! VEGETA: Hi. KRILLIN: Yamcha's here. (Yamcha gets blown up by a Saibaman) KRILLIN: Yamcha's dead! VEGETA: Nappa, get'em. NAPPA: I am hilarious and you will quote everything I say. KRILLIN: Tien, get'em! TIEN: I am the only serious character in this show, that's the joke. (Chiaotzu, Tien, and Piccolo die) KRILLIN: Oh, God, everyone's dead. NAPPA: Hilariously derailing one-liner. GOKU: Goku's here! KRILLIN: Goku's here! VEGETA: (crushes his scouter) It's over nine thousaaaaaaaaaaa... NAPPA: (screaming with Vegeta) Aaaaaaaaaa... VEGETA: ...aaaaaaaaa... NAPPA: ...aaaaaaaaa... VEGETA: ...aaaaaaaa... NAPPA: ...aaaaaaaa... VEGETA: ...aaaaaaa... NAPPA: ...aaaaaaa... VEGETA: ...aaaaaa... NAPPA: ...aaaaaa... VEGETA: ...aaaaa... NAPPA:: ...aaaaa... VEGETA: ...aaaa-- (Vegeta kills Nappa) NAPPA: Vegeta why?! VEGETA: Because I'm a monkey. (Vegeta transforms into an Ōzaru) GOKU: Kaio-Ken! VEGETA: Kaio-what? Ahh! (Vegeta gets tail cut off by Yajirobe and turns back to normal) VEGETA: Oh, no, I'm not a monkey! Oh, no, the kid's a monkey! (notices Gohan as an Ōzaru) Destructo Disc! (throws Destructo Disc at Ōzaru Gohan's tail) KRILLIN: The f**k? (Destructo Disc cuts off Ōzaru Gohan's tail) VEGETA: Yay! (Ōzaru falls on top of Vegeta) No! (gets crushed by Ōzaru Gohan) Leaving now. (Vegeta leaves in his space pod) GOKU: And we'll never see him again. VEGETA: (thinking) They'll see me next episode. GHOST NAPPA: And I'm a ghost, or am I? ENDING SEQUENCE GOKU: Dragon Soul! (cut to Yami from Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series in front of a computer with the DragonBall Z Kai Abridged logo on the monitor) YAMI: This has how many subscribers?